Intranet Horror Stories

Happy Halloween!


To celebrate this creepiest of holidays we’re telling Intranet horror stories to fuel your nightmares. Keep reading…if you dare!


**The incidents portrayed in this blog post are fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, ghosts, ghouls, zombies, and monsters, living or dead, is purely coincidental**

Intranet Horror Stories

The Terror of the Out-Of-The-Box Intranet

Today was Gary’s first day working for the Bank of The Haunted and he was eager to start. He was an accountant, and was looking forward to being at a company with such a prestigious reputation. When he arrived at the building, he strutted confidently to his desk, which he spent the first hour of his work day organizing. He liked everything to be in a particular order and easily accessible. Which is why he liked accounting so much. He loved the feeling he got when the numbers he was crunching lined up perfectly.


The Bank of the Haunted had a company Intranet that employees used. Gary had previous experience navigating Intranets, and felt secure in his ability to quickly get acquainted with this particular one. It was just as well, his boss was extremely busy and had made it quite clear that training was simply out of the question. Gary went to work, but soon discovered that this Intranet wasn’t like the others.


He couldn’t do everything he needed to do on it! Sure he could store and locate documents on on the Intranet. But everything was separate. Everything was disconnected. He had to use a different app for messaging co-workers, a different app for keeping track of tasks, a different app to collaborate on documents, a different app to get company news, a different app to create forms, a different app for meetings, a different app to manage accounts… It was too much, too much to handle.


Alas, poor Gary was driven insane. They found him at his desk, rocking back and forth and muttering, “so many applications, so many applications.” He was admitted to the nearest mental hospital and wasn’t heard from again.


The Moral of the Story: Don’t lose your mind trying to keep track of all the apps you have to use because your out-of-the-box Intranet isn’t up to snuff. Find an Intranet solution that lets you create an effective Intranet portal that’s a one stop shop for your user’s needs.


Intranet Horror Stories

The Tale of the Horrible Design Functionality

It was the morning of an important meeting with a prospective client. Susan really needed this deal to close. Her boss, a particularly evil vampire, had hinted at terrifying things if she didn’t come back with good news. So Susan had slaved the week before, preparing a stellar presentation that nobody in their right mind could turn down. She was feeling nervous, but confident.


Susan set out to the client’s office early, so that she had plenty of time to prepare. But got lost on the way and made it with just 5 minutes to spare. As she was parking she realized that she had forgotten her laptop at home! How was she going to close this deal without her presentation? She couldn’t go back to her blood sucking boss with nothing! Frantic and full of terror, she looked around her car, her eyes searching for a solution. Finally, she remembered that she had decided at the last minute to store the presentation on her company’s Intranet. Thank goodness! She could just pull it up on her phone. It would be an unconventional meeting, but still doable. She breathed a sigh of relief. The deal was saved! She was saved! She would live another day.


Susan reached for her phone and tried to access her company’s Intranet, but her relief quickly turned to panic. The presentation looked terrible on her phone. Things weren’t loading correctly. The spacing was all off. And even worse, the content on the side of the screen was hidden! She had to keep scrolling if she wanted to see the full page. She quickly tried to open the documents the client would have to sign…and the same thing was happening. The lines were bunching up and overlapping each other. Parts of the form were hidden. Susan gasped as she realized the Intranet didn’t have mobile design functionality! There’s no way the prospective client would sign a contract with this disaster of a proposal. Susan would be dinner tonight.


The Moral of the Story: Don’t let yourself become dinner for a blood thirsty vampire. Make sure your Intranet has mobile design functionality so that you and your users can access it from anywhere.


Intranet Horror Stories

The Story of the Phantom Platform

Today was the big day. After a long and bone crunchingly painful process, Supernatural Beings Inc. was finally ready to launch their new Intranet. Zach the Zombie was the SharePoint Admin in charge of the project, and he was ready to see all of his hard work finally come to life in the form of a fully functioning portal. He had put a deathly amount of effort into the branding and aesthetics of the Intranet. And he couldn’t wait to show it off to the rest of the company. They were going out for a celebratory meal of human flesh later that night and might even splurge for some brains if they were feeling particularly gleeful.


Now, Zach hadn’t really paid too much attention to any of the other elements of the Intranet. And he hadn’t done any actual pre-testing with the users. But he was a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-rotting-flesh kind of zombie, and wasn’t worried at all. The company Intranet went live, and Zach went about his day, until he started to receive angry emails from his zombie co-workers. The Intranet was nothing more than a ghost; It looked great…but it didn’t actually do anything. Relevant content and documents were hard to find. Nothing was organized.The tools on the portal didn’t help anyone do their work. And communication was non-existent.


That’s when Zach began to worry. Zombies are notorious for having short and terrible tempers. Everyone knew that he was the one in charge of the project. And that this giant failure was his fault.If he didn’t get out of there soon, his co-workers would tear him apart. Literally. He looked out his office window, and saw a zombie horde starting to form. And it was heading in his direction! Zach thought that if he could just make it to his car, he would be okay. He didn’t even grab his things. He just ran out of his office and into the elevator, frantically hitting the “doors close” button. They slowly started to inch together. But before the doors could shut, a decaying hand slipped in and the doors reopened. Zombies spilled inside the elevator. He was trapped. They surrounded him as he pleaded with his co-workers to calm down. But it was too late. Zach rode down the elevator in pieces.


The Moral of the Story: Prevent yourself from being torn apart by the stress of a phantom Intranet. Make sure to plan your information architecture from the beginning. Involve the user early on in the process to ensure the Intranet will solve big work problems. And test every step of the way to avoid large-scale failures. 


Don’t become the victim of your own Intranet Horror Story. Check out our Emgage Intranet Solution and sign up for a FREE demo today!


Looking for more frights? Check out our terrifying blog post about scary communication statistics and our spine chilling SlideShare on escaping your scary Intranet. 

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